Out of My Feelings and Into My Happiness

happy post


I decided to be happy.  I made this decision a couple of years back after hearing Dr. Phil say to a guest: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Although the doctor was not talking to me, I was intrigued by his inquiry. So much so that I repeatedly mulled his question over in my mind; do I want to be right or happy? Well, if you read the first sentence of this post, you already know that I chose the latter.  Choosing to be happy is easy enough, right?  All you have to do is start being happy.  NOT!  The fact of the matter was choosing happiness, for me, meant changing my perceptions about others.  To be more specific, I would need to stop worrying about what other people thought about me.  Better yet, I would need to stop worrying about what I thought other people thought about me.  Sound convoluted?  Don’t worry; I’ll simplify it, just stay with me.

Basically, I used to be easily offended.  I would analyze every little thing that someone said or didn’t say.  I strongly studied a person’s facial expressions looking for the slightest physical cue that he or she disapproved of me.  Believe this; I could detect a person’s ‘disdain’ a thousand miles away.  Then, suddenly, the shoe jumped onto the other foot!  No seriously, one day a casual friend approached me and told me that I had offended her.  Before I responded, I immediately scanned my mind in an effort to mentally locate my last interaction with her.  Ding, Ding! I found the scene in my mind but I couldn’t find my ‘offense.’  At any rate, my friend proceeded to say that she was offended because I ‘brushed her off’ when I told her that I needed to get someplace.  In essence, she took umbrage at my need to cut our conversation short (Thanks to Mr. Marion Wash, I can use “umbrage” in a sentence :-)). Back to my point, truth be told, my first mind said to ask her if she had lost her damn mind (Thanks to Ms. Eva, I can also use “damn” in a sentence :-)).  But instead, I listened to her vent and apologized for the ‘error’ that she had imagined. Do I sound salty?

Anyway, my friends, I had an epiphany that day.  I instantly realized that I had spent most of my life finding offense where there was none-just like my friend had done.

After thinking more about my friend’s accusation and my own internal madness, I learned five valuable lessons:


Lesson 1:  My friend’s issue with me was more about HER than it was about ME


Lesson 2:  Analyzing and studying people is tiring as hell and I simply cannot


Lesson 3:  Most people are NOT really thinking about me, her, him, them or you


Lesson 4:  Even if I can prove that a person is thinking about me in a negative way, who gives a shit? (There’s Ms. Eva again!)


Lesson 5:  I can be mature and grant any ‘offender’ a pass; but if they keep it up, I MUST banish them from my Queendom!

In short, I have come to realize that there’s no telling what factors might be influencing a person to act the way that he does.  Maybe someone failed to offer a greeting because he was engaged in deep, serious thought-not because he doesn’t like me. One thing is for sure, while I can’t control the thoughts of others, I can control mine.  Once I fully understood this, I was well on my way to happiness.

As an aside, if you are married, or in a relationship, the sooner you learn these lessons, the better.  Also, phrases like “yes, honey!” and “You’re right baby!” can buy ten tons of peace and happiness in your home.

So, with all that said, I am into my happiness.  How will you get into yours?















6 thoughts on “Out of My Feelings and Into My Happiness

  1. NINE WHOLE MONTHS LATER 🙂 but I just came upon this so here goes:
    I’m an analyst -first by nature. I didn’t really realize it until I became an analyst as a career. I little by little I realized how much I analyzed…people and events and words and moments and body language and facial expressions….. yes, it was exhausting. One day -I don’t remember when exactly- I decided that I really don’t care anymore. You say and feel and express what you want. I have the right to either accept it in that particular verse (definitely not the chorus) of my life or reject it and carry on. I can’t tell you that I no longer analyze as much. However, I can tell you that I have learned how to leave people and their madness alone 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YAAASSSS! I love everything you said about the tendency to analyze. But, I think your last sentence is the FIRE! You really do have to leave other people alone to deal with their own madness 🙂
      Once people get that figured out they are on their way 🙂
      Thanks for checking this one out 🙂
      Always nice to ‘chat’ with you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I made the same decision you made several years ago. I found so much peace when I let go worrying about what others feel or think. I always kid with my brother and sister that I don’t know if my peace is from God or my meds. They always say, “in concert”….”The Meds”. I say whatever it is it sure feels good. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Unknown

    After reading your blog today I can’t help but to comment. Like you I have always wanted to be accepted or validated by others. I am constantly asking others does this look ok, does this fit ok. I am always concerned with making others happy even if it meant denying my own happiness. Within this last week I have been looking in the mirror and asking myself is it really worth it? I am happy to say that the person looking back in the mirror at me was asking me “is your happiness worth it”
    I am glad to come to the realization that I am worthy of all the happiness life has to offer me and time to stop letting my kindness be a sign of weakness for others. I choose this day to happy! Surrendering all!!!!


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