I hate to admit it, but I love poking around on the internet. I usually like searching for ‘how to’ articles; best believe you can learn how to clone a wombat if you troll the interwebs long enough.
At any rate, every so often, while surfing the net, I’ll find myself landing on one of those ‘five facts’ articles. You know the ones where the writer reveals new and intriguing tidbits about someone famous. Well I don’t know about you, but whenever I read one of those things, I have to catch myself before I start following the article’s hyperlinks to virtual web hell.
Either way, ‘five facts’ articles are usually quite interesting; therefore, I have decided to post my own version here. As a bonus, I have also included a few applicable lessons with each fact. Rest assured my loves, you don’t need to worry about getting lost as there are no hyperlinks to maneuver–embedded or otherwise. I simply refuse to connect you to the history of all of my years, my tears and my fears (Nod to Jerome from Martin Lawrence). Trust me; you don’t want to go there! So, without further delay, I present:
Five Facts about Me
I used to date Ernie from Sesame Street
Okay, let me explain! When I was in second grade, Ernie and his friend Bert came to our school to perform. During the performance, Ernie revealed that his girlfriend, Gwin, was in the audience and he asked that I stand up. When I stood up you could hear all of the kids yell “Ooh-wee, Gwin goes with Ernie!” Yeah I was completely surprised myself. Suffice it to say I was the envy of the playground set! Sorry, but out of respect for Ernie I cannot comment any further on our relationship.
Lesson: Expect good things to catch you by surprise!
I once was a budding violinist
As a youngster, I took violin lessons for about two years and I briefly played in the All County Orchestra. However, being the wise young lady that I was, I quit playing violin so that I could be a majorette in the marching band. Who says that I didn’t have my priorities straight?
Friends, I know that there are thousands of professional violinists in this world but I got no idea how many professional majorettes there are. Imagine the doors that might have opened for me had I continued playing violin?
Lesson: Don’t quit shit so fast; you never know where it could lead. Other lesson, there are no mistakes- so let it go Gwin!
I am a 1st Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo
When I was in my early 30’s, my son and I became 1st Degree Black Belts in Taekwondo. Friends, from the moment that I put on the White Belt, I knew that I would become a Black Belt. You see, by now, I had learned my lesson on quitting and I was hell-bent on sticking with it! By the way, the 1st Degree Black Belt is really just the beginning of another longer journey. I didn’t quit, I simply opted not to continue 🙂
Lesson: Even you can break a board if you practice and do not QUIT!
I am addicted to 1960’s and 1970’s Sitcoms and Cartoons
I can spend hours on end watching “Bewitched,” “Twilight Zone,” “The Peanuts,” and “Sanford and Son.” Please don’t challenge my knowledge on any of these because it could get ugly! By the way, as a die-hard Bewitched fan, I must affirm my devotion to the original Darrin, Dick York!
In addition, please note that if it is Halloween, I AM watching Linus as he waits in vain for that damn Great Pumpkin! Like Sally, I plan to wait with him until one of us dies!
As for the Twilight Zone, Mr. Garrity and the Graves is a MUST!
Lesson: Fred G. Sanford is a freaking genius! Listen to him carefully and learn!
I make a mean chili!
There’s no way that I can convince you that this is true so you’ll just have to come to dinner and see for yourself. By the way, if you do come over, BRING COCKTAILS!
Lesson: Always bring something good to the table!
I hope that you have enjoyed reading five facts about me. Why don’t you tell me something interesting about you?