This post completes the three part series of Ron’s Time Tunnel: The Sermon. If you haven’t already, please go and check out “The Sermon” and “The Sermon Part II”
I know the devoted followers of this blog and—in particular—this story are probably saying, “Finally!” I’m eternally thankful for your patience during this little jaunt off the beaten path and onto the “wide road”.
Go ahead Reverend A. Jordan Smith!
“HA!” whooped Reverend Smith. “I’m ‘bout to close now, but there’s just one more traveler on this pathwaaaay… to perdition; this streeeet… to suffering; this avenuuuue… to affliction; this boulevaaaarrd…to the Beelzebub; this highwaaaay…to hell!” he asserted asthmatically, as he exhaled the last of the lengthy litany.
“It takes a wide road…for a thief! ‘Cause when he steals something on this side of the road, he got to ruuuun to the other side of the road to keep from getting caught and ending up in the calaboose!” And that, my friends, is why the narrow road is sparsely traveled! ‘cause most peoples fits into one of them categories I aforementioned stated! ‘Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. But wiiiiiide is the gate, and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction and many! I said MANY there be which go in there-at. Evenin’ folks!”
And with that, the Right Reverend A. Jordan Smith shut his Bible and his mouth and sat down. The applause was deafening.
That Sunday saw more converts than any before or since. It is said that fully two dozen men, women, and children received the “right hand of fellowship” that night but that number is deceiving because, it is also rumored that several, previously “faithful” church members, left and never came back again. The rumors further assert that two drunks and a wino swore off of booze forever; one case of gout was completely healed; three elderly sisters were carried from the church by several strong men; and one man, previously labeled a “jackleg,” asserted himself as a true, “Man of the Gawd”.
Another, so-called “jackleg”, didn’t fare as well. As he stood in front of his congregation, speaking on the evils of “strong drink”, he sought to emphasize his point with a demonstration. Taking a glass and a tin can from beneath the lectern, he next reached into his back pocket and produced a pint sized bottle of moonshine from its customary location there. Next, he poured the “shine” into the glass. He then extracted an earthworm from the can and with a dramatic flair, dropped the worm into the glass of “shine.” Almost immediately, the worm shriveled and died. “This,” he explained, “is what liquor does to your insides!” he pronounced, taking great pride in the impact that he felt his “experiment” was sure to have on the congregation. Right away, a man stood up and inquired loudly of the preacher, “Preacher! Can you tell me whereabouts you got that ‘shine’? I been feeling a might WORMY myself lately!” he laughingly queried, as he rubbed his beer-bloated belly demonstratively.
IT TAKES A WIDE ROAD YA’LL!