Warning: This is a long ass read! So get yourself together before you start reading it 🙂
“Gwin, them damn pancakes gon’ smack your ass upside yo’ head round 10:30 if you don’t eat!”
“But Uncle Bill, I don’t like them kinda pancakes, they too big!”
Mama didn’t never make no pancakes like the ones Uncle Bill made. I don’t like ‘em ‘cause they too thick and they got the wrong syrup.
But if I don’t eat ‘em I’ll have to wait until daddy come get me and who knows how long that’ll be.
Oh well, it’s this or starve so I better dig in. Bruce, Jen-Jen, Poley, Lil’Bill, Stevie and Tack already halfway through with theirs. Sandy, Granny and Pookie was lucky ‘cause they stayed with Madear…
Lawd have mercy! Uncle Bill’s heart was in the right place. He was simply trying to feed a whole gaggle of kids! You see, Uncle Bill was my Aunt Bobbie Sue’s husband and all the kids wanted to spend the night with Bobbie Sue, aka Bob! Bob was, and is, the life of the party! She always had the latest jams. I guess she was so cool because she was the youngest of my mother’s 11 siblings.
Oh yass baby, Madear was popping ‘em out back to back!
Just so you know, Tyler Perry didn’t invent the word Madear! Every black kid in the deep South had a Madear (mother dear) or a Big mama. To be clear, the terms Madear and Big mama are typically used when referring to one’s Grandmother.
I said ALL that to say this:
Welcome to 1977 baby! Chile somebody who identified himself as Airforce Buck Sgt. Cray C. Brown called asking me all kinds of questions about Miss Time Machine. Baby he wanted to know how I acquired her and how long I’ve had her. I says to him, “Look Buck Sgt. Crazy, you might wanna get out of my business before I call my play cousin Barack!”
I think he got the picture!
Enough about me, how are you doing in 1977? Can you believe that we are near the tail end of this decade? Time know it flies!
I see that everybody is present and accounted for. Geo over there in a badass white suit and T. Wayne is sporting an opened silk shirt with a medallion—YASSSS! San, the Miami Playette, is rocking a print blouse with some gauchos and boots baby! Please don’t hate! She’s a bad heffa!
Cousin Ron is over there trying on one of Uncle Jimmy’s old Airforce uniforms. I wonder why?
Alrighty then! Let’s get it in!
My Jams 1977
Don’t ask my neighbors by The Emotions
Good Gawd, Sheila is damn near whimpering on this jam and that’s a good thing!
How could any man resist a request from a woman with a voice like that?
I guarantee you she gets what she wants!
Boogie Nights by Heatwave
Ok, so there is this longstanding rumor that the Wilder brothers from Heatwave are my kinfolk. This all started when Madear made a passing comment after seeing them on Soul Train. I can neither confirm nor deny but I will say that Gwin’s mama’nem got some DEEP roots all up and through the great state of Ohio and that’s where them Wilders are from.
Either way, them brothers were bad!
But did you check out that jazz interlude at the beginning of this jam? Whaaa? Who else was doing that? And to think a bad British blue-eyed soul brother named Rod Temperton was one of the masterminds behind the whole thing! You better act like you know!
Since that time, Brother Rod has produced some music heavies. Can you say “Michael Jackson’s Thriller?”
By the way, I, Sexy Lady G am Gwin’s alter ego. Sometimes we are interchangeable and sometimes we are NOT! HA!
Float on by The Floaters
Uh oh! Now you know something is wrong when a group is named after the damn song. That fact alone screams “one hit wonder!”
No matter, this jam was the business!
Seems like everybody had a favorite Floater-regardless to zodiac sign. Y’all, I was kinda pissed that there were no Capricorns in the group. Does that sign have too many syllables for the song? Maybe if they had included just one Cappy they might have gone a little further! I’m just sayin’
Anyway, my favorite floater was Charles! YASSS!!! I don’t know, I guess it was the way that joker stepped to the mic and said, “Libra, and my name is Charles….”
Baby Charles commenced to work the HELL out of his verse. “Aww Chile…”
Do yourself a favor and fast forward to Charles. Holla back after you do.
Dance, Dance, Dance by Chic
Yass baby, Nile and Bernard brought some style and class to this joint! If you don’t believe me peep the visual! Those jokers were sharp to death in those designer suits! Let us not forget the sophisticated divas in the group! You couldn’t touch ‘em!
Whenever I want to go right on up to heaven I listen to the long version of this jam! The violins take me EV-ER-Y-WHERE!!! YASSS! This is one of the songs I want sung at my funeral right after they sing “The Upper Room.”
Naw, I’m just kidding!
Y’all better NOT play “The Upper Room” at my funeral! LOL!!
Ain’t gone bump no more by Joe Tex
Another novelty song! They used to do that a lot in the ‘70’s.
Gwin’s mama went to see Joe Tex at a club one night and she managed to get his autograph for her. She don’t know where the hell it is now.
How much do you think it would go for on e-bay? LOL!
Strawberry Letter 23 by The Brothers Johnson
Hell was it letter 22 or 23? I get it mixed up! Anyway, everybody was rocking this bad boy back then.
Brick House by The Commodores
This damn thang is a CLASSIC! Every generation knows this jam right here! Baby the moment Walter started bamming on them drums you knew what time it was. By the way, he was leading on this one-not Lionel.
One of my uncles used to say, “Let’s go look at some brick houses!” I didn’t know what in the devil he was talking about so I asked him what that meant. Homeboy said, “Look at your Auntie and that should explain it.”
OK, I got it!
Show you the way to go by The Jacksons
That’s right baby, them Jackson boys changed it up after they left Motown. I loved this jam.
Check out the way they looped around Michael’s voice as he says “ayyy” at the end of the jam. That’s kinda different….something tells me that we will hear this technique again (cough, cough… hip hop). Speaking of hip hip, RIP Afeni Shakur.
Go listen to it
Lovely Day by Bill Withers
This is one of my damn jammy jam jams Baby! This song will soften even the meanest of bastards!
Chile when Bill held that freaking long note in the word “day” I thought I was gonna lose my everloving mind! I really just cannot with Bill!
More than a woman by Tavares
Last week—um…I meant… last year I told y’all to check out the harmonies that are produced by siblings. If you didn’t do it then, now is your chance!
Tavares covered and KILLED this BeeGees jam! By the way, I freaking love the Bee Gees! Much respeck!
Oh yeah, this is another jam that I want somebody to sing at my funeral ‘cause Sexy Lady G is sho nuff more than a woman!
“Say you’ll always be my baby…”
If I can’t have you by Yvonne Elliman
Frankly Scarlett I don’t give a damn if this jam came out in ’76, ’77 or ’78! I wanna talk about it right now!
So, one night nearly 20 years ago I went to my favorite LGBTQ club to see the Queens in all of their splendor! Honey, can you believe them heffas made me lip sync this jam? Chile I was 3 sheets to the wind singing my ass off. Baby when I tell you I had done kicked off my heels and started spinning like Sylvester please believe it!
Later that night we all started lip synching “You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille!”
Y’all I was walking around the club barefooted looking for my shoes. Fortunately, a gorgeous Queen who was sitting at the end of the bar was kind enough to have babysat my high heel steppas!
I ain’t never had more fun at a club than I did that night! This is a true story y’all! I couldn’t make this ish up if I wanted to.
Ms. Sexy Lady G loves the Queens and she loves this jam right here!
Slide by Slave
Yass! Drac is in the house!
This one is for my brass junkies! I gotta have some ‘Slide’ in my life!
“Why don’t you slide…?”
As by Stevie Wonder
I really, absolutely, simply, unequivocally cannot with Stevie on this jam. This is one of those tear jerking-hand clapping joints.
Superman by Celi Bee and Buzzy Bunch
I told you they liked novelty jams back in the ’70’s. I used to like this as a kid because I was taking violin lessons at the time and it was chock full of violins!
Hell the fact that they were singing about Superman didn’t hurt.
Sounds to me like home girl is proposing a sexual interlude with the man with the “S” on his chest!
I was gonna dedicate this one to Gwin’s son (Superman/Kryptonian) but there is way too much going on here! She’ll kill me about her baby!
That boy fine tho’
Sunshine by Enchantment
Just plain pretty! That’s all I gotta say!
Darlin’Darlin’ Baby by the O’Jays
That doggone Eddie Levert is killing me on this jam!
“All the thangs that you desire… I’ll do my best to give ‘em to you!”
Aw hell where is that man???
O-H-I-O by The Ohio Players
I have a special fondness for this jam because, as I said, me and Gwin got some serious family situations going on in the buckeye state.
Another brass junkie jam! Those jokers are blowing the hell out of them horns on this jam! If you like brass you gotta add this to your play list.
I’m going down by Rose Royce
“Time on my hands since you been away boy, I ain’t got no plans, naw, naw, naw, naw!”
I just be damned!
NOPE, I CAN”T!!!
While I’m alone by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly
My Big ‘Brother’ Muhammad is Mr. Beverly’s bodyguard and that brother ain’t nobody’s joke! Try to mess with Frankie if you want to! Trust, you will get your grill busted!
Anyway, what can one say about Frankie and Maze? If you’ve never been to a Maze concert please check his schedule, book your concert tickets, flight and hotel right NOW!!! You will sho nuff get some ‘happy feelins!’
How smooth is Frankie? Huh? Tell me! Huh???
Your love is rated X by Johnnie Taylor
Your Uncle Johnnie does it again! However, he did things a little bit different on this one. Here he brought the romance. Check out the instruments; specifically that flute! Definitely mood music!
He probably could have got it back in the day! Did I say that? Hell he ain’t none of my uncle!
Voyage to Atlantis by The Isley Brothers
Can you say faded?
Naw, I’m just kidding!
Ok, no I’m not!
“I’ll always come back to you…”
‘Cause you love me baby by Deneice Williams
The bells in this jam are just so freaking sweet! Neicy floating on top adds the icing.
If you need to play a sweet jam, pick this one!
Well sir! I bet you thought I was never gonna shut the hell up! Y’all know I can go on and on and on with these jams. As you can see, these posts are getting longer and longer and I still have to leave stuff off! Please continue to stick with me. I got plenty more jams coming in the future.
Remember to hit me up with your 1977 faves in the comments section! I LOVE hearing from you guys!
And now, my dear sweet 1977, We’re OUT!
Next Thursday: My Jams ‘78