Not Thinking About It

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Lady J’s Godfather died the other day.

Unfortunately, I was responsible for breaking the news.

After telling her what had happened, I wiped my eyes and braced myself for an impending breakdown–I just knew that my dear daughter was going to fall over into a puddle of tears.

I put my arm around her…

Ready to catch her fall.

And I waited…

And I waited…

And I waited.

But there was nothing.

No response.

Just silence.

Now, in an effort to be proactive, I decided that I should help her to get in touch with her feelings.

In my mind, she needed to process the seriousness of what had occurred.

So, I assured her that it was okay if she felt like crying.

Again, nothing.

Not wanting to force the issue, I simply decided to drop the subject and keep a close eye on her.

But, to my surprise, Lady J never said another word about the matter.

In fact, she proceeded as if nothing had happened.

I kept thinking to myself that this was strange.

Lady J was very close to her Godfather.

This just didn’t seem to make any sense.

So, again,  I broached the subject and asked, “How do you feel?”

“What do you think?”

To which she responded, “I’ve decided NOT to think about it.”

So I let it be.

Well, a couple of days before the funeral, Lady J’s Godmother requested that we come to her home in order to take pictures with the family.

So we went.

Naturally, after arriving, we greeted children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters and friends—Each one engaged in play, pleasantries and recollections of warm memories.

People were talking and becoming more acquainted.

Several conversations were occuring at once.

And all seemed well.

But there, on the sofa, apart from the chatter, sat Lady J, silently holding her Godmother’s hand…

NOT thinking about it.

 

 

Rest in Peace KRB (aka Godfather)

We love you and we will miss you always!

 

40 thoughts on “Not Thinking About It

  1. My heart reaches out at this sad time. Warm hugs. I love your way with the world, the everyday, events ongoing, bits of life, and the ordinary brought to us as extraordinary. You touch reality with soft steel, and your Lady J is so similar … hmmmm … I wonder where she gets that? *eyeballs looking directly at YOU* ❤️ Despite the need for her to someday talk of her loss in her own timing, it does not go unnoticed her compassion (and this with the sweet touch of hands) probably flowed more strongly toward her Godmother’s grief rather than her own levels of devastation. It was a spirit-sharing happening on the sofa … flowing both ways. Lady J is special indeed. 🌹

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    1. Jesus take the wheel!
      When I tell you that I am verklempt! I mean it!
      My dear wise owl, I couldn’t help reading these sweet and sage words of yours. You are so generous and so kind. You’ll never know how much I appreciate it whenever you stop by. Both Lady J and I send you love, light and peace….always.

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      1. I must turn myself over to the great “Wheel Taker” more often. Your first words this morning opened me in a delicious way. Thank you and Lady J for your sweet sendings and they are returned in kind … threefold. 🌹🌹🌹

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  2. Sending hugs and love you way Sweet family ❤ death can be so hard but to remember the good times and the words spoken, carry it with you and cherish the life that was so very kind and wonderful ❤

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    1. Thank you love. And you are right, I am very sure that it will hit her at some point.
      Like you said, everybody is different. I am a huge cry-baby when it comes to things like this. But, hell, I cry when I’m happy too! LOL!! But those are tears of joy and gratitude.

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      1. Yeah. I understand. I was going to say it reminds me of when my mother died when I was 16. I wanted to BAWL uncontrollably, but my grandmother was like, “Don’t cry. Don’t be sad.” For a very long time I resented it until I learned that it had more to do with her own ways of dealing with life/death than it was about controlling my emotions. Hope this makes sense and lol about you crying when you’re happy 😉

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        1. Wow!
          Funny you should mention the whole “Don’t cry, don’t be sad”/resentment scenario because that is exactly why I always encourage my children to feel their feelings–cry if you wanna cry; laugh if you wanna laugh; be mad if you wanna be mad. So many illnesses, physical/mental and emotional stem from unexpressed emotions.
          I say, get it out!!! But, in this case, it appears that it will happen when Lady J is ready.

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  3. My thoughts are very much with you and Lady J, Gwin at this sad time. I was formulating my thoughts for something compassionate to say when I read Ellie P’s comment which was exactly what I was going to say. Also it brought back memories of when I was around 11 years old and was told that a very close relative had died. There was absolutely no external reaction from me – I was silent. But you can be sure it hit me hard. I guess at the time I had not the capacity to display my grief that was comfortable for me. Maybe Lady J, by not thinking about it is trying to find a way to deal with the pain of loss. Big hugs to you both. xx

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    1. I sooo appreciate you sharing your experience Marie. Lady J is also 11 years old, so your story gave me a bit of insight into what may be happening in her inner world.
      Big, big, big hugs right back to you my dear friend 🌹 Your warm words are a healing balm 😔

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        1. I love it when synchronicity happens. It lets me know that I’m on the right path-and since it involves you, I’d say that you are too! And yes, your words helped in a big way 🙂 🙏🏾

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        2. Not to carry on this too long, but I was knocked out when you said Lady J is 11. When I saw your post, I read it and went away and thought about it for a while before responding. It’s such coincidence that I should have brought to mind the picture of me at 11 being told by my mom that Mrs G (a dear family friend) had passed. It is so clear to me even now sooooo many years later. Who knew that I would use it as an example of compassion in years to come ….🌹🌹

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        3. Ah…but it makes perfect sense. Doesn’t it mystic Marie. LOL!!!!
          No, seriously, I find that quite uncanny too. And it is a gift to us that you were able to turn your experience into such a valuable lesson.
          You are so appreciated 💞

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  4. So so sorry for your family’s loss, G!
    As u probably know, kids process their grief in different ways from adults – and in fact every one of us handles it differently regardless of our age. I can see how you were surprised though, given that she was very close with him. Sigh… It may hit her more later, and she may let it all out then…of course you’ll have your shoulder ready…

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    1. Thank you for those kind words Ellie. You’re absolutely right, we all process things different. And yes, I will be ready when, and if it hits her—I am sure it will at some point later on.

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