*FAIR USE** Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing.
Join LadyG as she shares off-key singing, storytelling and a few of her favorite soul/R&B jams from 1972.
*FAIR USE**
Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.
Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing.
Mama (Eva) holding Tack, that’s me on the right with my mouth wide open!
Random Woman: Hey Brenda!
Brenda: Hey girl, how are you? I haven’t seen you in some years!
Random Woman: I know! It’s been a long time.
Brenda: Yes it has, by the way, let me introduce you to my friend, Eva.
Random Woman: (Very dry, cold and nonchalant) Hey Eva.
Random Woman: (Directly addressing Brenda) Ooh Brenda, your little girl is so pretty, how old is she?
Eva: (PISSED) That’s MY child!
Random Woman: (Slightly Embarrassed but still chilly) Oh, I’m sorry, she just looks more like Brenda to me.
Eva walks off with child (ME) in tow.
Yes friends, my mother, Queen Diva Lady Eva, was tee’d off!
Why, you ask?
Because ‘Ms. Random Woman’ assumed that I was Brenda’s daughter based solely on the fact that we shared the same skin complexion.
She never thought for a moment that I could belong to my mother–who was a shade or two darker.
It simply didn’t occur to her to ask.
Sadly, this type of attitude was nothing new to Mama. As a child, she had received whippings from a lighter skinned uncle for being “too black.”
Colorism
col·or·ism
ˈkələrˌizəm/
noun
Prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group–Oxford Dictionaries
What the Oxford folks failed to mention is that this phenomenon is a ‘carry-over’ of Slavery; having been birthed from the actions of slave owners.
In essence, slave masters created division among their chattel by treating them differently based on skin complexion.
The darker slaves were treated far worse than the lighter slaves. Because of their color, dark skinned men and women were forced to engage in heavy labor while the lighter skinned slaves were treated better–relatively speaking.
Naturally, the lighter skinned slaves were told that they were superior to their melanin rich brothers and sisters and both groups bought into that belief.
And there we have it!
A lifelong mutual animosity between darker slaves and lighter slaves…which sadly continues with their descendants today–albeit to a much lesser degree.
Come now!
Let’s re-evaluate the scenario that I offered at the beginning of this post.
Notice how dismissive Ms. Random Woman was toward my mother.
She all but ignored her darker skinned ‘sister.’
‘Ms. Random’ never imagined that chocolate Ms. Eva could be the mother of a caramel colored daughter with long pony tails.
Of course, at the age of 3, I was too young to notice or understand the larger implications of this woman’s attitude.
I had no clue what was really going on.
Little did I know, I would continue to experience some form of this lunacy throughout my life as my father’s racial identity was, to the average onlooker, perplexing… to say the least 🙂
Lord, I got all kinds of questions like, “Is your Dad Mexican?”
Puerto Rican?
Cuban?
Arab?
West Indian?
East Indian?
Native American?
And everything in between….
Oh, and then there were the really stupid questions like:
How did your Mom get a handsome man like your Dad?
Ok, that’s when I got rowdy!
All bets were off!
Seriously? What do you mean?
Do you not realize that you’re talking about MY MOTHER?
You better back the hell up!
I’m sorry guys but that mess really got under my skin!
Oh and if you think things got better as years passed…
Think again!
My Mama often recalled a time when an associate of my Dad’s came by to borrow a drill.
Apparently, he peeked past my Mom, who had answered the door, in order to get a better glance at me and whispered, “That must be Jim’s daughter.”
Mama said, “Yes, and she’s my daughter and we have a son too!”
What an idiotic thing to say!
“That must be Jim’s daughter.”
It rolled right off his ignorant ass tongue without a bit of thought attached to it.
The fact that he knew that my parents had been married for 100 years added insult to injury!
Ah…but here’s an even more egregious example.
One day, back in 2012, I had been sitting in the hospital room with Mama for most of the morning.
Well, this black nurse, who had been in and out, and who had seem me sitting there the whole time, asked, “Has any of her family come by yet?”
What the hell do I look like?
Chopped liver?
Of course I didn’t say THAT but I did say, “Well I’m her daugther.”
Naturally, the nurse apologized.
I thought to myself….Here we go again…after all this time.
Still dealing with issues of color.
Mama caught hell for being too dark and Daddy caught hell for being too racially ambiguous.
Good grief!
Daddy and Mama at about age 15
Inspiration for this post came from comments between myself and these great bloggers:
From the moment he was born, he and I were inseparable.
I can remember turning down plenty of opportunities to go hang out with friends; opting instead to stay home with my baby boy.
People would say, “I know the perfect babysitter.”
To which I would respond with something along the lines of, “Well, I don’t know that person and neither does my son…so there’s that.”
Sounds harsh doesn’t it?
Oh well!
Anyway, suffice it to say, whenever my son (or my daughter) would ask to do things that were borderline ‘iffy,’ I’d think long and hard before deciding whether or not I would allow them to partake.
And, whenever I decided NOT to allow them to do something, I would explain, sometimes ad nauseum, why I came to the conclusion that I did.
Then I would punctuate that explanation with the following statement, “Baby, you are extremely valuable and you cannot be replaced.”
That said, Mama watched them babies like the proverbial HAWK!
But then…
My son graduated high school and went away to college.
At that point, all bets were off!
He was his own man and I had no control over his choices.
My only saving grace was the fact that I still had influence.
Luckily, my son and I had always been able to talk about ANYTHING…and I mean anything.
He valued my opinion and often sought and listened to my advice.
YAAASSS!
He sought and listened to my advice…
Until he didn’t.
And that’s when I had to come to terms with the fact that this dude was now an adult who was more than capable of making his own decisions.
In short, I needed to fall back!
So nowadays, when he tells me that he’s leaving to go on a tour of the Moon and Mars, I just have to say a quiet prayer, be still, and know that God is watching over him wherever he goes.
Now…
Having said all of that, I recently told my son, “Listen to Mama…but just not too much.”
Friends, I said that because I want him to benefit from my wisdom and experience but not be paralyzed by my fears.
He got my point.
I hope you do too.
But just in case you didn’t…
Remember, whether you are seeking advice from Mama, Daddy, or whomever, use your own discernment.
Take what’s useful and kindly leave what’s not!
***Said the woman who has been white-knuckling her way through motherhood!
LOL!!!
Love and light to you!
LadyG 😘💋
PS: This is dedicated to my children, R and J, and for ALL of my “babies” in the blogosphere!
You guys know who you are 🙂
This is also for every parent and child, no matter where you are in the process 🙂
So, as you might imagine, this can be a very difficult time of year for me, my brother, and my kids-not to mention my Dad who misses her terribly.
Of course, the first Christmas without her was extremely difficult as she had not been long gone.
Oh yes loves, please believe, that first Christmas, Lady G was a hot mess!
You see, Mama loved Christmas and she adored Christmas Carols!
And because those freaking Christmas Carols were being played EVER-Y-WHERE, a hot mess got even hot messier!
Let me affirm that it was not unusual, that year, for Lady G to find herself running out of Publix with snot and tears flowing North, South, East and West!
Maybe ‘mess’ is NOT the best word to describe the resulting mayhem!
Anyway…
No matter where I went, I was forced to listen to all of her favorites, including:
“Merry Christmas Baby” by Otis Redding
“Please come home for Christmas” by Charles Brown
“The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole
“Everyday will be like a Holiday” by William Bell
“Christmas just ain’t Christmas” by the O’Jays
“Santa Claus is comin’ to town” by The Jackson Five
“Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” by The Temptations
And of course, the ‘Tempting Tempts’ version of “Silent Night.”
Baby, every time I heard one of these little ditties, I melted in tears like Frosty!
And so…
One day, after the 78th Christmas carol meltdown, I went shopping for some holiday decorations when…lo and behold…there appeared Mama in the form of a beautiful Black Christmas Angel!
Y’all, I think I trampled some folks in my haste to grab that Mama-esque heavenly body!!!!!
Best believe I grabbed her, purchased her, took her home, place her atop my Christmas tree and proclaimed:
“Look at Mama on the tree!”
And from that Christmas to this one, Mama sits proudly on the tree watching over us all!
Christmas has been pretty good ever since!
Merry Christmas to you all!
With Love,
Lady G 😘💋
P.S. I still have to wear headphones at the store in order to keep my composure!