Since it’s ‘Birthday season’ around these parts, I’ve decided it might be fun to ask Ma Allie (Mother’s mother) to assist me with baking a cake.

Does it matter that she died several years before I was born?

Not to me 😉

I love a challenge!

You game?

Let’s call her and see what happens…

Here goes…

Ma Allie, come forth!

Ma Allie, come forth!

Ma Allie, come forth!

(I once saw someone conjure a ghost using similar phrasing on an old episode of Bewitched.)

 

MA ALLIE:  I’m Allie!  Who are you?

GWIN:  Hey!  My name is Gwin, I’m one of your great- granddaughters…one of Annie Maude’s grandchildren.

MA ALLIE:  Which one o’ her chiren you belong to?

GWIN: I belong to Jimmie.

MA ALLIE:  Well sir!  You shole favor him too!

MA ALLIE:  Now, what ‘choo want wit’ me?

GWIN: Well, I wanted to bake a cake so I decided to ask you to help instead of me looking it up on the web.  

MA ALLIE: (Confounded) Looking’ on a web?  Y’all done started lookin’ at webs to find out what ‘choo wanna know?

Lawd ha’mercy!

GWIN: It’s a long story and I can’t tell it.

Can you PLEASE help me?

MA ALLIE:  Okay baby…

Now, I use my special green cup when I bake.

GWIN: Is it a measuring cup?  I mean… is it 8 ounces?

MA ALLIE: (Kinda irritated) Baby I don’t know nothin’ ’bout no ounces… It’s just a cup. That’s all I know to tell ya.

I bake wit’ it and sometimes I drank my coffee from it.

Now go get your flour, baking powder, and sugar…then get some butter, milk, eggs and some vanilla.

GWIN: Do I need a tablespoon or a teaspoon for the vanilla?

MA ALLIE: (A bit more irritated)  What?

MA ALLIE:  All you need is a kitchen spoon….when it’s time, put in a li’l…not too much.

Now get a bowl and mix up all your wet thangs and then add yo’ dry things in with the wet.

After you done that, get ‘choo a good wooden spoon and stir it up real nice.

Once you got it all mix up good, pour it into your cake pans ….you ought’a have enough for two layers.

GWIN: How long do I bake it?

MA ALLIE:  (Slightly annoyed) Jus’ watch it and use your senses baby….look at it…smell of it…when you can smell it from anywhere in the house it’s ’bout ready.

You’ll know when to take it out.

Jesus!

Baby, I’m sorry, I got to go on back now.

GWIN: (Highly stressed) Wait, Ma Allie!  What temperature do I need to set the oven for?

MA ALLIE:  (Confused) Temperature?  Honey, I don’t know what ‘choo talkin’ ’bout!

GWIN:  (Even more confused) You know… the oven temperature.

Come look at my stove…right here… this is where you set the oven temperature.

MA ALLIE:  (Dumbfounded) Baby I ain’t never baked in no oven like that before in my life!

GWIN: (Stumped) What do I do now?

MA ALLIE:  (Chuckling Sarcastically) You better go check wit’ that magic web you was tellin’ me ’bout before.

Ask IT to tell ya !  

‘Bye now!

GWIN: (Stuck with raw cake batter in pans) Oh good grief!

MOTHER, COME FORTH!!!