Sexually Inappropriate and Harassing Behavior During Daily Conversation

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

3/16/2021 6:35pm EST: Updated with a doozy of an example that I forgot about.

Note: Contains sexually explicit language

Excuse the typos, I needed to get this conversation out on the floor real quick!

If you read my recent post on Racism and Prejudice in Daily Conversation, you’ll remember my observation that Zager and Evans’ song, In the year 2525, didn’t offer much in the way of great expectations–other than to wonder “if man is still alive…”

Well, to be fair, they weren’t just concerned with “man.”  They actually continued the thought by pondering whether “…woman can survive.”

So here we are again with me offering my “two cents” about  sexually inappropriate and harassing behavior in daily conversation.

I might even throw in a little story.

And so…

If you are ever confused about what to say and what not to say to avoid even the appearance of being sexually inappropriate, or engaging in sexually harassing behavior, avoid the following statements and/or questions:

  1. “You’re being overly sensitive.”
  2. “What’s wrong with me complimenting your legs?”
  3. “I see you have a tattoo on your neck, where else do you have tattoos?”
  4. “Maybe if you flirted a little, it might help us get <insert thing here>”
  5. “Do blondes have more fun?”
  6. “That’s not sexually inappropriate/sexual harassment!” (An easy out for people who are uninterested in learning about sexually inappropriate conversation/sexual harassment)

This list is not exhaustive.

Again, while some of these points are blatant, others are very subtle yet highly offensive— and today, I am going to include some REALLY blatant shit that people have said or done to me.

For your consideration:

Once upon a time, LadyG was seated at a table reading a book when a co-worker sat down at the same table.

This guy, a real tool, was the son of a well known Dentist in South Georgia.

Anyway, while LadyG sat quietly reading, this jackass started singing his own rendition of Prince’s “Darling Nikki—where he substituted ‘LadyG’ in the verse that talks about “masturbating in the lobby with a magazine.”

It should be noted that this same guy later grabbed LadyG’s behind and stated, “I always wanted to know what a black girl’s butt felt like—Wow! It’s jigglier than I thought.”

And do you know what LadyG did in each case?

NOTHING.

-THE END

It is important to note that I was selected to receive this position by my professors. 

In fact, I was the only female there, at the time, working with three law school students—one of which was the asshole that I just told you about.  

It definitely didn’t help that I was only a sophomore working toward my BS degree.

To be honest, I felt that I was the most powerless person in this situation.  

Flat out, I was the only woman working with a group of men during the height of Anita Hill versus Clarence Thomas.

Chile, I saw what happened to Prof. Hill so I never reported the guy.

But let me be clear, the other law students and my supervisors were very kind and helpful to me.  That said, I often stuck under the other two law students in order to feel safe from the third guy’s advances.  

Now I know that there is someone in the ethers saying, “Well, he was just an asshole.”

He most definitely was an asshole.

But, this was more than being an asshole, this was him sexually harassing me.  

Now I know that what he did was pretty cut and dry, but there are many situations where, like with racism, you can’t “define it” but you know it when you see it.  

My cousin Ron describes this phenomenon perfectly in his post, I cannot define it.

Sadly, this is not the only time that I experienced this, or something like it.

Shall I elaborate?

How about the time I was at the mall grabbing a maternity dress for my baby shower, when this jackass walked right up behind me and said, “Hey, why don’t you let me finish that off.”

Or the time a friend of my family said, “You’re good and grown now, I just want to come visit you.”  Let’s just say, he was NOT my peer and he was not my friend.

Or the time a male who was close to the family told me I was a “fine mother-f’er.”

Or the time I was in the library and a dude, who was in one of my classes, called me over to the table and began counting a large wad of money while looking up at me and back down at the money in a suggestive way.

Or when a security guard at work tried to kiss me in an elevator—totally unprovoked!  He offered to do something else more explicit that I’ll keep to myself.

Whew…once again chile—the shit is tiring and I really could go on.  

I’ve had so many sexually explicit and not so explicit things said and done to me in my lifetime that I cannot count them.

Sadly, the first instances were in childhood and the perpetrators were mostly grown men—none of them were family members.

I never said anything about it or my Dad would still be in jail for murder!

I think Alice Walker’s words, spoken through Sophia in The Color Purple, express it best, “A girl child ain’t safe in a house full of mens.”

So, I think I’ll stop here and encourage anyone who is ready to have a polite and meaningful conversation about anything that I mentioned in this post to drop down in comments so we can chat.

My Jams 1990

My Jams 1990s

 

My Jams Posts contain adult language, situations, and controversial observations. Song release dates may vary. 

“I knew a little girl named Gwinnie and I guess you could say she was a sex fiend.  Met her in an office lobby mmmmmm with a magazine.”

I’m really getting sick of this guy!  Every morning before we start our workday, he comes over to the table where I am sitting and sings those words.

I’m sure you’ve already recognized that he changed the lyrics of Prince’s song “Darling Nikki.”

Everybody knows that song is very sexually explicit.

Here’s the thing, just like any other girl, I’m used to the fellas flirting and cat calling but this jackass was going too far.

Oh, but today, he took it waaaaay too far.  Y’all he actually grabbed my butt and said, “I always wanted to know what a Black girl’s butt felt like…it’s jigglier than I thought it would be.”

This happened so fast that I didn’t know what hit me!

Anyway, as I saw it, I had three options for a response:

  1. Slap the dog shit out of him!
  2. Have my peoples pay him a visit; yes, Lady G does have peoples-always has and always will.
  3. Fall back and say nothing.

Frankly, only one of these options seemed feasible–given the fact that I am the only Black female working with several White male law school students.  Don’t even mention the fact that I am an undergraduate who is just plain happy to be in this slot.

Just so you know, my professors recommended me for this paid internship based on my academic performance and I didn’t want to disappoint them by starting anything.

Needless to say, after carefully considering my options, I chose number 3.

I didn’t want to make ANY waves.

Now, to be fair, the other two dudes were VERY cool.  In fact, we enjoyed working together.  That said, they had no idea that I’d often stick close to them as a means of shielding and ‘protecting’ myself from Mr. ‘Darling Nikki’ pervert!  

To be blunt, this wasn’t really about race; it was about unwanted sexual advances.

Honestly, the whole situation made me feel kinda helpless.

By the way, Mama said I shoulda picked up something and knocked his ass out.

Eva didn’t play.

_________________

Oh yes my loves, as with all “My Jams” lead-ins , this is a true story!

In the early ’90’s nobody was really checking for you if you claimed that you were being sexually harassed.

Hell if they didn’t believe a Law School Professor’s 1991 testimony about being sexually harassed, who in the hell was gonna give a damn about my experience in 1990?

Sadly, back then, folks were still trying to define the concept.

Fortunately, there are now policies in place for the confidential adjudication of scenarios like the one I just described.

But with that said, it still ain’t easy!

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you feel that you are being harassed, for any reason,  please speak up.

Stand up for yourself!

Stand up for that girl who felt like she couldn’t back in the Summer of 1990😢

________________

Ok, enough of that!

Welcome to the 90’s baby!

According to that great Sayer of Sooth, Prince Rogers Nelson, we ain’t got but 9 more years left on this MoFo!

“1999…Don’t you wanna go…1999!”

And how are you folks doing on this nice evening in 1990?

As for me, this is a year of learning!  Where shall I begin?

How ’bout here:

So….if you’ve ever read the post “The Professor,” let me confirm that this is the year that “Princess Running Mouth” and “The Professor,” reunite as adults!

If you are confused, I am referring to Lady G and Ron; respectively!

You know…those are the two jokers that write on this blog!

Anyway, on any given evening in 1990, Ron and I would cruise around town in his black BMW chilling and vibing to “Private Times… and The Whole 9” by Al B. Sure.

We cooled out to jams like:

So Special  

Just for the Moment 

While cooling, we shared our theories and beliefs about God, man, Earth and everything in between!  I learned so much from my dear cousin.  Those were some good times!

He’s still teaching me today 🙂

So enough with the family reunion!  Let’s holler at these jams!

My Jams 1990

Groove is in the Heart by Deee-lite

Oh no hell they didn’t pull out Bootsy Collins?

Yes, they did!

That fact alone helped them to gain immediate street cred.

With the quickness!

If you need a bass player; don’t mess around!  Go get one of the best!

Poison/Do Me/When will I see you smile by Bell Biv DeVoe

Hell, I forgot Ricky could sing.

What with Ralph whining and Johnny out-singing everybody it’s easy to forget about Ricky.  Oh, but he reminded us with these jams!  YAASSSS!

Don’t wanna fall in love by Jane Child

This chick here looked hella weird.  Ol’ girl had a nose ring that extended across her face and if I’m not mistaken our dear Caucasian sister was rocking braids!! YAAASSS!

No matter, that Queen Diva DID that on this jam!

Then we never really heard from her again.

Alright/Someday is Tonight by Janet Jackson

We all know that Janet ain’t no Shirley Bassey.  That said, she does her Janet thingy very well!  

But baby, when she presented us with the video for ‘Alright’ she immediately got about 10,000 cool points from Lady G.  Why?  

Three words:

CAB

DAMMIT

CALLOWAY!

The KING of entertainment!  Bow down!

DEAD!  End of debate!

Now, if you need a little romance, holler at “Someday is Tonight.”  Rumor has it that this is the follow-up to her song “Let’s wait awhile.’

Apparently, the wait is over!

Whip appeal by Babyface

But did Babyface give us a video with cool ass LA Reid up there conducting an orchestra?

Yes, he did!

Can’t Stop/ Ready or Not by After Seven

More from the Edmonds family.  We just got through talking about their cute brother, Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds!

Clearly, these boys come from a family that can SANG!

Peep the “One world” remix of “Can’t stop.”

Get some business!

You can’t deny it by Lisa Stansfield

Baby, when Queen Diva Lisa finished running all around the world to find her baby she told his ass NOT to DENY IT! 

YAASSSS…tell ‘em girl!

Go somewhere and sit down joker!

Heartbeat by Seduction

Baby these three sisters did Taana Gardner’s classic some justice!

I loved it!

“Can you feel the beat, can you feel the beat, can you feel my heartbeat?”

Living in the light by Caron Wheeler

“Have to sur—vive, living in the light.”

The UK is in the house!  

No doubt about that!

Tomorrow by Quincy Jones featuring Tevin Campbell

You are correct if you guessed that this is the same jam that The Brothers Johnson did all those years ago.  Somebody done added some words to our beautiful instrumental.

I’m good with it.

Where do we go from here by Stacy Lattisaw/Johnny Gill

A bit of a ‘who can out-sing who’ contest going on here but even I cannot dispute the talent of these two!

Alright????

Good Love by Klymaxx

YAASSSS! Girls playing their own instruments.

“I been waiting such a long time….”

For who? For what?

Where’s Bernadette?

I think she was doing her solo thing by then.  

Honey, that Queen Diva used to bounce all over the stage.  Most of us just didn’t know what to make of her.  She was ahead of her time.

Promises, Promises by Christopher Williams

What the hell?  Al B. Sure can sing after all!!!!!!!

SKKKKRRRT…..Uh oh, whatcha say? That ain’t Al?

Nope, that’s Christopher.  Good Gawd Almighty, the Lordt done sent us a pretty redbone that can blow!

I still love Al more though!  To me, he is an awesome producer.

As for Chris, he DID that!

If I were a Bell/Just us Two/Cupid is a Real Straight Shooter/ The Whole Damn “IVORY” album

Then there was the time Teena Marie sang “If I were a Bell” on Video Soul to sexy ass Donnie Simpson–the TV host with the pretty light brown eyes!  

You gotta check this one out Paula!

Paula pulled a fast one earlier this week when she posted a video of Teena’s Lovergirl on her blog!  YAAASSSSS!! She said, “I knew you’d like that Lady G!”

😘

Anyway, I think I’ll park Lady T in comments!  Do NOT skip it!  Our Goddess kilt it!

DEAD!

Come on Gloria, Sandra and Stephanie…We goin’ on home!

Footsteps in the Dark by Body

An Isley Brothers remake!  Oh yes, and these Queen Divas did that thang justice.

It ain’t easy to redo the Isleys but they DID that.

Sounds like Angela Winbush produced the vocals; them girls could blow!

What can I do by Pieces of a Dream

“I’m lookin’ for a better way to make you stay ‘cause I want you..ooh I want you baby!”

NORWOOD!  YAAAASSSS!

Ladies, when Lady G saw this video she fell HARD for the sexy lead singer with the slicked down perm and ponytail!  

It was Dino all over again! But Norwood was all milk chocolatey–Ummm!

Don’t even try it Lisa A 😉

Anyway, Norwood kilt this jam.  

I don’t think he was ever a true member of Pieces of a Dream–maybe more like a guest vocalist.  Either way, ya girl’s eyes were peeled so hard on that man!  

Hell, I was even willing to ignore the dude who was doing “The Worm” during the keyboard breakdown!

But then….something about Norwood’s appearance changed over the years…

Last I checked, he was getting back to his old self. Google it!

Love and light to ya brah!

Anyway, the intro to that jam gives me my life!!!!  That’s why I freaking LOVE musicians!  Thank you Pieces of a Dream!

The Formula by The D-O-C (I had to get in at least one from the world of Hip Hop)

Ah, but then something went wrong with The D-O-C’s vocal chords and we all lost a wonderful voice. Love and light to you too!

I’m coming back by Lalah Hathaway

“I’m coming back just to give you my love…”

This Queen Diva right here!  This one right here!  HERE!

YAAASSSSS!

Ever heard her harmonize with HERSELF?  Go google it!  Freaking amazing!

What do you think about that one Geo Gee?

Something in my Heart/ Silly love song originally by (Enchantment)–Michel’le

Chile when I heard the intro to “Something in my Heart,” I almost had a damn Myocardial Infarction!  That’s a heart attack y’all!  

Asystole!

Expired! 

Whatever you want by Tony Toni Tone

I just can’t!  

Ok, I’ll try…

Do you remember this one K.E.?  Yes, I’m talking to you girl! 

Chile, I simply cannot with Tony Toni Tone on this jam!

I won’t!

NOPE!

And now…

Before I go, let me leave you with a flashback from 1987:  “Your Love Drives me Crazy” by The Force MDs.

And here’s another treat:  My friend Roger’s Jams from 1967….YAAAASSSSSSS! You gotta check them out!  They are the bomb!

Roger’s a great supporter of ‘My Jams!”  

Well, here we are, on the brink of midnight!  Goodnight 1990, I must say farewell.  May you find peace in the ethers of days gone by.

As for the rest of y’all!  Holler at me in comments! The After-party goes on! Bring your commentary, your jams, and your memories!

For Spencer ❤ ❤ ❤

With Love,

Gwin

Hey everybody how about wishing my Dad a HAPPY BIRTHDAY !🎂