Sexually Inappropriate and Harassing Behavior During Daily Conversation

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

3/16/2021 6:35pm EST: Updated with a doozy of an example that I forgot about.

Note: Contains sexually explicit language

Excuse the typos, I needed to get this conversation out on the floor real quick!

If you read my recent post on Racism and Prejudice in Daily Conversation, you’ll remember my observation that Zager and Evans’ song, In the year 2525, didn’t offer much in the way of great expectations–other than to wonder “if man is still alive…”

Well, to be fair, they weren’t just concerned with “man.”  They actually continued the thought by pondering whether “…woman can survive.”

So here we are again with me offering my “two cents” about  sexually inappropriate and harassing behavior in daily conversation.

I might even throw in a little story.

And so…

If you are ever confused about what to say and what not to say to avoid even the appearance of being sexually inappropriate, or engaging in sexually harassing behavior, avoid the following statements and/or questions:

  1. “You’re being overly sensitive.”
  2. “What’s wrong with me complimenting your legs?”
  3. “I see you have a tattoo on your neck, where else do you have tattoos?”
  4. “Maybe if you flirted a little, it might help us get <insert thing here>”
  5. “Do blondes have more fun?”
  6. “That’s not sexually inappropriate/sexual harassment!” (An easy out for people who are uninterested in learning about sexually inappropriate conversation/sexual harassment)

This list is not exhaustive.

Again, while some of these points are blatant, others are very subtle yet highly offensive— and today, I am going to include some REALLY blatant shit that people have said or done to me.

For your consideration:

Once upon a time, LadyG was seated at a table reading a book when a co-worker sat down at the same table.

This guy, a real tool, was the son of a well known Dentist in South Georgia.

Anyway, while LadyG sat quietly reading, this jackass started singing his own rendition of Prince’s “Darling Nikki—where he substituted ‘LadyG’ in the verse that talks about “masturbating in the lobby with a magazine.”

It should be noted that this same guy later grabbed LadyG’s behind and stated, “I always wanted to know what a black girl’s butt felt like—Wow! It’s jigglier than I thought.”

And do you know what LadyG did in each case?

NOTHING.

-THE END

It is important to note that I was selected to receive this position by my professors. 

In fact, I was the only female there, at the time, working with three law school students—one of which was the asshole that I just told you about.  

It definitely didn’t help that I was only a sophomore working toward my BS degree.

To be honest, I felt that I was the most powerless person in this situation.  

Flat out, I was the only woman working with a group of men during the height of Anita Hill versus Clarence Thomas.

Chile, I saw what happened to Prof. Hill so I never reported the guy.

But let me be clear, the other law students and my supervisors were very kind and helpful to me.  That said, I often stuck under the other two law students in order to feel safe from the third guy’s advances.  

Now I know that there is someone in the ethers saying, “Well, he was just an asshole.”

He most definitely was an asshole.

But, this was more than being an asshole, this was him sexually harassing me.  

Now I know that what he did was pretty cut and dry, but there are many situations where, like with racism, you can’t “define it” but you know it when you see it.  

My cousin Ron describes this phenomenon perfectly in his post, I cannot define it.

Sadly, this is not the only time that I experienced this, or something like it.

Shall I elaborate?

How about the time I was at the mall grabbing a maternity dress for my baby shower, when this jackass walked right up behind me and said, “Hey, why don’t you let me finish that off.”

Or the time a friend of my family said, “You’re good and grown now, I just want to come visit you.”  Let’s just say, he was NOT my peer and he was not my friend.

Or the time a male who was close to the family told me I was a “fine mother-f’er.”

Or the time I was in the library and a dude, who was in one of my classes, called me over to the table and began counting a large wad of money while looking up at me and back down at the money in a suggestive way.

Or when a security guard at work tried to kiss me in an elevator—totally unprovoked!  He offered to do something else more explicit that I’ll keep to myself.

Whew…once again chile—the shit is tiring and I really could go on.  

I’ve had so many sexually explicit and not so explicit things said and done to me in my lifetime that I cannot count them.

Sadly, the first instances were in childhood and the perpetrators were mostly grown men—none of them were family members.

I never said anything about it or my Dad would still be in jail for murder!

I think Alice Walker’s words, spoken through Sophia in The Color Purple, express it best, “A girl child ain’t safe in a house full of mens.”

So, I think I’ll stop here and encourage anyone who is ready to have a polite and meaningful conversation about anything that I mentioned in this post to drop down in comments so we can chat.

Seek Understanding: What’s In a Name?

 

 

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Sooo…

I started this blog in January of 2016.

It was, and still is, my intention and plan to create a space where people of all shapes, sizes, colors and such could come to find posts to edify, educate and motivate mind, body and spirit.

Naturally, it would be a reciprocal type of situation.

Anyway…

As I was thinking of names for the blog, I decided that I wanted to choose a moniker that expressed my desire to seek and find the best things in life–expressed via my own original creations or by presenting the works and/or findings of other talented writers, thinkers, bloggers, poets, educators, elders and storytellers.

However, when I searched the terms “seek” and “best” for the creation of my blog name, the only sensible title that was available, at the time, was “seekthebestblog.com.”

So I snatched it!

Ah…but then I later realized that this title could be misconstrued to mean something like…

Hey YOU!

Now that you have found my blog, you may now dispense with your tireless pursuit of creating or following other blogs because I got the BEST one right HERE BABY! SERIOUSLY, LOOK NO FURTHER!

JUST STOP!

 

YIKES!

EEK!

BLEH!

Oh well, the damage had been done so I had to run with it!

I simply hoped that people would understand the intent behind the blog’s title once they read the tagline:

“Seeker of the best that life has to offer!”

My God…I can only pray!

LOL!

That said, join me as I continue to seek the BEST!

Lady G loves YOU!

Interview with Dr. K. E. Garland Part 3

Oh boy! The conversation is getting juicy!

The louder I get the more thick my southern accent becomes! LOL!

As you know, Dr. Garland’s subject matter centers around male/female relationships.  In this session, we continue our conversation from part 2 on the differences between men and women.

Please be sure to follow Dr. Garland and Michelle!  You can link to them via the first or second post of this interview.

 

Real Good Food: The Way to a Man’s Heart?

Beef short Ribs
Braised Short Ribs with Yellow Rice, French Cut Green Beans and Sliced Tomatoes

 

The trademark orange bowl!

LadyG is cooking again!

YAAASSSS!

Anyway…

Today, let us consider the old adage:

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

Hmm….

Well… I don’t know if it’s true in every case, but it sure did work for me and Mama.

Just kidding!

But not really…

No, seriously folks, while the quote points to the way to a man’s heart, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee arrival–not to mention–a permanent stay.

Am I rambling?

Probably.

 

Maybe this whole thing is a non-issue…

An old wives tale…

Low level philosophical nonsense!

Pseudo-intellectual fodder…

But…maybe there’s some truth to it…

Or…maybe not.

Alas…

The debate continues 🙂

Have a wonderful week my friends!

Love and light to you all!

LadyG😘

What do you think ladies and gentlemen? Feel free to comment below!

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Your New Year’s “To Do” List

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Alternate Title:  Your New Year’s What NOT “To Do” List!

Like a lot of folks raised in the South, Mama had some STRONG beliefs about what you could or could NOT do on New Year’s Day.

And baby, we all knew to cooperate- or ELSE!

In fact, one of my dearest friends, Gloria, calls me every New Year’s Eve to make sure that she is, as she laughingly states, “compliant.”

Compliant?

So typical of a Healthcare Exec 🙂

Anyway, without further adieu, Lady G shall now act as your personal New Year’s Compliance Officer for 2016-2017!

Here goes…

What NOT to do on New Years Day:

  1. Wash hair ; you are washing someone out of the family if you do.
  2. Wash clothes; Why? See rule 1. (Just to be safe, she extended that to drying clothes as well).
  3. Have a Christmas tree, including any associated decorations, still on display.
  4. Allow a woman be the first person to enter your home after midnight.
  5. If you are in doubt, please contact me, your personal New Year’s Compliance Officer, in comments before proceeding with most ANY action 🙂

According to Mama,  a violation of any of these rules could lead to death, destruction or worse…

By the way, we’re not done…

You must also prepare/procure and consume:

  1. Green leafy vegetables (Collards, Turnips, Mustards or Kale) to attract foldable money for 2017.
  2. Black-eyed Peas for good luck in the new year; some say they are also good for attracting coins.

In addition, you should also have some money (debit or credit cards will not suffice) in your pocket when the new year arrives.  This ensures that 2017 will not find you…for lack of a better word…BROKE!

Remember, whatever you’re doing when the New Year comes in is what you will likely be doing for the rest of the year!

Uh oh….

I don’t know about you but Lady G shall be praying and meditating!

🍀🍀🍀

And so…

You have been duly warned!

LOL!

Seriously guys, this was all in fun!

But you best believe that I’m hedging my bets by getting in compliance 🙂

Happy New Year !!!

Much love and light to you!

-Lady G 😘💋

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER TACK!!!!!!!

I’d love to hear any superstitions, rituals, habits or traditions that you and your family adhere to for New Years!

*** “The Flowering Vine” will continue next Friday, until then, catch up by going to the category labeled, you guessed it, “The Flowering Vine.” 

 

 

 

Foxy Lady…Maybe?

Young me 2

This post is dedicated to all foxy ladies everywhere; if you are a woman that means you!

“Yes honey, I was a fox back in my day!”

This is a picture of me from 20 something years ago.  I have a good handle on the year because I was a couple of months pregnant with my son.  You might remember him from one of my Sunday shout out posts.

Anyway, from time to time, I find myself telling the young’uns about how much of a fox I used to be.  Oh yeah, then I usually have to define ‘fox’ –lest they think I’m talking about a small woodland creature.

But just to be on the safe side, let me be clear, a “fox” is a good looking woman.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, I was telling you about my tendency to talk about having once been a fox.  Well baby one day after bragging about my former fox status, I caught myself thinking, “Why in the hell am I saying that?”

Or in other words, what matter does it make?  Or better yet, WHO GIVES A DAMN!

So what if I  ‘used’ to be a fox!  Whether that was the case or not, it is of absolutely no consequence at this point in time.

And so…

What about now?  Well,  I’d argue that all you former foxes need to unite with me and together we can work on accepting this whole aging thing. Come on!  We need to redefine what it means to be a “fox.” Let’s start by learning to love our graying hair and puffy eyes.  And while we’re at it, let’s start to treasure that eternal belly roll that many of us received from giving birth.  Don’t get me wrong, we should get and stay in shape for wellness purposes-first and foremost!

Hell that pudge ain’t going nowhere so long as folks believe in the myth of spot reducing-But I digress!

By the way, this isn’t all about looks!  It is my belief that our new ‘foxiness’ REQUIRES us to cultivate important traits like kindness, warmth, joy, wisdom, tenderness, generosity, loyalty and reverence for God (how ever God looks to you),mankind, and nature.

Once we are done accepting and cultivating all of the above, we must envelope our new selves with  LOVE.  I am not kidding !  This is real talk!

And now…let us go forth foxy ladies!  We’ve got a new generation of real foxes to raise!

Older Gwin
Foxy lady now:  Me laid bare-No makeup and no filters