“Now, who in the hell wanted us to go all the way back here?”

I was wondering the same thing that mama was.  I mean I’ve been to Old Creek Town before, but I ain’t never been out here.

Oh I forgot to tell you, we on the way to a family reunion so we can reunite with all our family from everywhere.  A lot of them came from Ohio.  Some of them came from Indiana.  Some of them came from Florida.  But most of them came from Alabama.

We the only ones that came from Georgia.

I been wondering something though.  How can we have a reunion with people we ain’t never united with before?  I should ask mama but she probably gon’ tell me to stop asking a bunch of crazy questions.

Anyway, we finally made it!

I just heard somebody yell, “We over here Pig!”  By the way, that’s what they call mama. I follow mama over to the picnic shed where everybody is eating and talking and having a good time.

So far everything is going pretty good!  I’m having fun meeting new cousins.

But, to me it’s kinda crazy because whenever a grown up sees me they keep asking me, “Who is your mama?”  They ask me this even when mama is standing right there!  But don’t worry; I’m used to it because me and mama don’t really look very much alike.

Anyway, when I tell them who my mama is they say, “You so pretty, you look just like your daddy’s people!”

I don’t think mama likes it when people say stuff like that.

How do I know?

You see, one day me and mama and her friend went to the store and we saw this lady who looked at me and then looked at my mama’s friend and said, “You have a beautiful little girl!”

Mama looked at her and said, “That’s my child!”

When I asked mama about it later, she said that the lady thought I was her friend’s child because me and her friend had the same complextion–I hope I spelled that right.  Anyway, I didn’t ask her nothing else about that.

Oh yeah, I got off track!

Anyway, they got some good food at this reunion but I don’t eat anything unless I know who cooked it and where it came from.  Uncle Bubba might have killed a hog and I don’t like to eat them fresh out the yard.  I like for my meat to go though the people at the store.

Uh oh, here come Uncle Willie’nem with the speakers and the stereo.  They say my cousins from Florida are about to show out!  All of them can dance!

Wait, the music just started and them girls already running to the dance floor. I’m just gonna stand back and watch them “stomp and grind” while  Mass Production sings, “Firecracker come dance for me, I just like to see the way you move…Yeah, Yeah!”

🙂 🙂 🙂

Yass baby! Those girls worked it out!  They showed us how to do that there!

And how are you doing my loves?  Well if you’re asking me, I am downright tired!  Do you hear me? Chile, I just got back from an International Player’s Conference in Cologne, Germany!  Baby, your girl was over there lecturing on the Art of Seduction.

Honey them folks thought they were gonna hem Sexy Lady G up with ten thousand questions but you know I had to cut it short.

While everybody else was departing by airplane, Lady G slid right on over to Miss Time Machine, blasted “Dream maker by Rick James” and jetted out to 1979 baby to see what y’all was talkin’ bout!

Oh yeah, before I forget, while I was in Germany, I met this gorgeous photographer and poet by the name of Chevvy.  She was on her way back home to South Africa.  Baby when I saw her, I thought to myself, “Damn, she just as good looking and sexy as I am!”  Take note, ‘cause y’all know that kinda thang don’t happen every day 😉  Y’all when I found out she was down with my twin T. Wayne I knew she had to be cool!

I also met this interesting fella named MJ; he is from the Klondike or someplace.  This brother stopped me and said, “Hey Lady G, I just wanted you to know that I dig what you’re doing!”  That shole makes my heart feel good.

By the way, I got a shout out from this Diva named Alisha B.  Alisha shares the same name (different spelling) as one of my cousins so she immediately got my attention.  Anyway, it seems that Geo introduced her to “My Jams” and now she’s a fan.  You better work Ms. Alisha!

Of course, Ron, T. Wayne and Geo always got front row seats to this here blockbuster!  I know all my other folks will be rolling up soon.

Anyway, what are y’all doing in this last year of the decade?  This joker know it went by fast didn’t it?  Are y’all ready for 1980?  Well you know me!  I’m game for pretty much anything.  God willing and if the creek don’t rise we’ll ALL see what’s gon’ happen when Father Time replaces that seven with an eight and that nine with a goose egg!  Yass!

And so…

My Jams ‘79

Reunited by Peaches and Herb

Yeah…..

This one is for all the couples out there working thangs out!  Baby, it’s the perfect song to help you patch sh!t back up!

Peaches says “I wanna let you know I won’t let you go…”

Hell it’s all good when we getting that good lovin’ all night!

But let’s see how reunited we are in the morning.

Come on and Go with Me by Teddy Pendergrass

Hot damn!  I was a gotdamn fool over this one.

Gamble and Huff know exactly what to do and say to get all up and through my lower patella baby!

That said, I was a bit irritated with the chick verbalizing her trepidation about going home with Teddy!  I mean really, who are you fooling?  You know he gon’ get it.

Second Time Around 

This was Eva’s jam right here!

I told y’all SOLAR records would NOT be playing!  Howard’nem showed out with this one!

“I’ll make it so good to you baby!”

Cruisin by Smokey Robinson

“Baby let’s cruise away from here….”

To me, this song gives any man an unfair advantage!  Who in the hell can resist sweet Smokey?

Did it matter that he was probably 77 years old when this was released?

Hell to da naw!

Ladies please stay strong!

Ain’t no stoppin’ us now by McFadden and Whitehead

Yass!

Black folks in the US adopted this as our National Anthem baby!

“Don’t you let nothing, nothing stand in your way.

I want y’all to listen, listen to every word I say, every word I say!”

Some of us listened, danced and followed through with an action plan.

But some of us listened, danced and then sat our asses down somewhere and waited for the next jam so we could listen and dance some more!

Take me home by Cher

Look here, y’all ain’t gon’ give me no grief over this jam! I love this song.  Have you ever heard the long version?

Baby it reminds me of a night I spent at Studio 54 with Jim Morrison!  And y’all thought he had died!  Jim was my one and only swirl!

Chile, it was one of the best times I ever had!  Who knew the brother could get down like that.

No, I simply refuse to share the details.

Disco Nights by GQ

“Rock freak, Rock freak!”

This really was a tight-ass jam.

I wonder what happened to these dudes! I guess I could google it.

But I probably won’t!

Either way, this jam was bad!

Do you love what you feel Rufus featuring Chaka Khan

That heffa know she tore this damn thang up!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not in the practice of calling a Queen like Chaka a heffa. But when you use the term ‘heffa’ in the right context-especially in the South- it can be the highest form of a compliment!  Yass!

That heffa DID that!

I don’t know if it’s right by Evelyn Champagne King

Y’all I got some conflicting info on the release date for this one!  No matter, I am sticking it in 1979 baby.

Anyway, this one is for the ladies who are contemplating whether or not to let this joker get it.

“I don’t know if I should give it to you when I know you’re no good…”

All I gotta say is sometimes you just need to take that chance! HA!

I know I did and it brought me the best and the worst but baby that’s life!

You gonna make me love somebody else by The Jones Girls

Aw shit now!

Yass ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to read these freaking lyrics:

I aint did nothing to you

I just love you with my heart, heart and soul

Every time I need some lovin

Why do you turn, turn cold

Now I aint dumb, and I aint stupid

I know you need love, need love like I do

Cause if you aint loving me,

I wanna know who in the world you loving

Tell me if you don’t want me around

I just be damned!  OOOOOOOOWWWW!!!

Ok, these Queens hit the ground running straight out the damn gate!

And they DID that with angelic voices over a funky ass bassline!

Whaaa?

Boy this joker right here is a Gamble and Huff masterpiece!

I’m dead!

Never had a love like this by Tavares

I TELL YOU WHAT!!!!!

They just don’t come no better than this right here!

“…Oooh ooh ooh never never ever ever ever had a love like this before..”

Yass!  They came to slay!

In the mood by Tyrone Davis

This is the first jam that ever made Sexy Lady G consider getting it on with a senior citizen and that’s all I gotta say about that!

I call your name by Switch

Two words:  Bobby DeBarge!

Thank you and good night!

Do you wanna go party by KC and the Sunshine Band

Y’all know I love me some KC right?  Well I heard Ray Parker Jr. say that KC has one note that he sings and he stays right there on that damn note.  That’s why he don’t be going all up and down the musical scale when he sings!

Personally, I just don’t give a damn ‘cause he had a badass band backing him up.  When I wanna hear some real singing, I fangle on over to Teddy or the O’jays.

Let’s face it, with KC, you knew what it was.

By the way, Ray wasn’t hating, hell he said he started doing it too.

Sparkle by Cameo

Fellas, I present you with this jam; it will make you a bona fide winner with the ladies!

Sexy Lady G liked to got played by this serious case of sexual chocolate messing around with this jam.

Never fear, I kept my wits about me and stayed cool.

Still waiting by Prince

Oh trust!  You will NOT still be waiting if you play this jam.

“…I spend my days just a trying to find that love to call my own ‘cause I’m sick and tired of being alone!”

NOPE!

I simply CANNOT!

Sucker for your love, Rick James featuring Teena Marie

All hail my number one female Queen Diva, may she rest in peace.

Bow down now to Teena Marie baby!  Yass!

Chile, black folks did everything they could to make this sista black. We said stuff like, “She just real light skinned!”  LOL!!!!

Get with the program y’all, the girl was Caucasian but she was badder than most any sista out there and that is Bible and Church!

I’m the one who gave her the nickname Lady T 😉

To which she responded, “Why don’t you go by Lady G so we can match!”

Y’all we been down ever since then.  We still talk from time to time.  Y’all know Lady G got all kinds of new technologies!

😉  Don’t hate!

Find my way by Cameo

This one has been covered at least three times prior to Cameo.  One of the best known groups to sing it was The Three Degree back in 1970.

To be clear, Lady G likes the 1979 LONG version of this jam.  Now if you are brave enough, play this jam and say my name 69 times. On the 69^th time I will appear before you and we’ll vibe together!

Oh by the way, don’t worry if you don’t remember this one!  Cousin Ron says it’s not unusual for me to go to the back room, grab the last crate, and pull out the side B of the last record!  ROTFLMAO!

I just can’t help it y’all!  I love music like that!

Anyway,

Before I continue, I wanted to offer a quick intermission to let you browse in mama’s record collection:

Mighty Real by Sylvester:  Did you see that joker go from dapper gent to full on queen with one single turn?  Yass!

All the way live by Lakeside

Bad girls by Donna Summer

Don’t Stop ‘Til you get enough by Michael Jackson

Off the Wall by Michael Jackson

Rapper’s Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang

I wanna be your lover by Prince

I got my mind made up by Instant Funk

Keep on Dancin’ by Gary’s Gang

What cha gonna do with my lovin’ by Stephanie Mills

My feet keep dancin’ by Chic

Ring my Bell by Anita Ward

Move your Boogie Body by The Bar Kays

I wanna be with you by The Isley Brothers

This is it by Kenny Loggins

Chase me by Con Funk Shun

Feel that feeling that you’re feeling by Maze

Bustin’ out by Rick James

I just wanna be by Cameo

Glide by Pleasure

Just a touch of love by Slave

Why you wanna treat me so bad by Prince

Eyeballin’ by Heatwave

Cisselin Hot by Chuck Cissel

 

Last, but definitely not least:

Good times by Chic:

Oh this jam was slamming!  Bernard was working all over that bassline.  Nile was bringing the rhythm.

Speaking of basslines….

This bassline found its way into the history books baby.  Yass, this bassline right here helped to usher in a whole new genre of music called rap!  According to brother Wonder Mike from The Sugar Hill Gang, he coined the term hip-hop when he rapped, “A hip hop…..” to the “Good times” bassline on “Rapper’s Delight.”

Ya’ll know that jam is widely recognized as the first major rap record.

Chile that Sugar Hill Gang hip hopped all over Nile Rodgers’nem song–without permission I might add!  Of course Nile and Bernard sued and got their just due!  And you know how things went after that!

Yass honey Good times was a real jam but Sexy Lady G detected a bit of underlying melancholia in that joker.  There was most assuredly something else going on at that party y’all!

Seems to me that it’s foreshadowing something…

A rumor has it that it’s getting late

Time marches on, just can’t wait

The clock keeps turning, why hesitate

You silly fool, you can’t change your fate….

Yes my sweets, it is, in fact, getting late.  The seventies are about to commence to dust.  They are becoming a cryptic memory.

There is a transition afoot; and not necessarily a good one.  Brass will begin to fade away and bands will make do with fewer and fewer musicians.  Synthesizers will masquerade as violins, harps, and any other instrument you can imagine.

We’ll have to adjust to a new normal.

Please join me in a moment of silence to mourn the passing of real music and showmanship!

Now, in the words of the great Lawrence Welk Singers:

Good night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you

Here’s a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true

And now ’til we meet again

Adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen

Good Night!

This is Lady G, (Gwin) and The Diva of Soul signing off!

Goodnight 1979 and Goodbye to the ‘70’s!

Next Thursday:  The Love Boat followed by a very special episode of Bosom Buddies with Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari.